Month: October 2017

October 16, 2017 Kirk Merlin

Last night

Above a barren desert highway,

the premature Milky Way

was visible before the last bites of dusky sunset fell

beneath the horizon. 

 

Then no sun.

No moon for 6 more hours.

Even the passing headlights stopped before midnight.

The Big Dipper danced a circle,

never spilling a drop,

while the Milky Way spun sideways

ready to take a drink.

October 11, 2017 Kirk Merlin
A synchronicity is helping to enlighten my path during my current road trip. I didn't have much of a plan for this month beyond seeing some friends in Colorado & Utah. Maybe I'd catch a couple indie rock shows -- legends Guided By Voices and Afghan Whigs are both touring in that part of the country.
But I was feeling pretty rudderless, unsure of why I was really doing this or where I should go. Taos? Sedona? My current philosophy is that I'm trying to go with the flow of life, not really forcing anything. It's kind of like I'm waiting for signs or taking opportunities as they arise. And it can be stressful for me because I'm used to being a planner.
I'm trying not to plan so much.
Wait..that sounds like planning not to plan. Wha?
I want my future possibilities to be far more broad than any plan in my head. There are guidelines, of course. If I say I'll meet you somewhere at a certain time, I will be there.
For instance, the other day as I was wallowing in this decision -- WTF are you doing Ahlberg? Really? You're just going with the flow? Planning not to plan? That's ridiculous! How can a person "succeed" without a plan?
Then I got a call from my cousin Anders. He was looking for a co-pilot to help drive a moving van across the country in a couple weeks.
There was a rough outline in my head about what the next few weeks might look like, but I wasn't beholden to it. I was doing my best to go with the flow, hoping it would be flowing.
I thought (and said to him): give me a day or two. Let me check my calendar and see what airport I might be able to fly out of to meet you in Seattle.
This all happened as I was driving north from Denver to Fort Collins, it might have happened somewhere near Flagstaff...
After "hanging up" the phone (do we still say that?), I decided to pass a semi-truck that I'd been chilling behind while talking into a hand-held device which transmitted some kind of energy waves out into space that somehow got re-translated into Anders' ear(s).
As I moved into the left lane and glanced across the divided highway to the ranch land beyond, I saw a big corrugated barn of a building along the road. It had those gigantic sliding doors like an airplane hangar. Above the closed doors were the words "Anders Auto Supply". Or maybe it was "Anders Plumbing Refinement". Something like that.
Whatever.
At any rate, just after I got off the phone with my cousin Anders (with whom I really only speak a few times a year), I saw a sign for a small business named "Anders something or other".
This sort of synchronicity has happened to me almost every day for the past two weeks.
What would you do?
October 10, 2017 Kirk Merlin
When I grow up, I want to be  me      .
When I was a kid, I never wanted to be a doctor or a firefighter. Maybe I wanted to be a pro athlete, but those dreams were shattered quite young. Remember when there were only 8 different jobs in the world?
I thought I wanted to be some sort of businessman -- wear a suit to the office, climb the corporate ladder, etc. But that was never anything more than a vague vision. I didn't really know what it was like to work in a big corporate office. It was just what many college grads did in 1992. Reagan and Iacoca and, dare I say, Trump had gotten America excited about business. Or some of us at least.
But now I'm 47 years old and I finally know what I want to be when i grow up.
I want to be me.
I want to be the most Kirk Ahlberg that I can be.
So that's why I decided to start writing and sharing these thoughts. Trying to be me in a more public way, and wanting to talk about it as I navigate whatever it means.
What if everyone was true to their deepest self -- their most pure, loving soul that I know we all have. Then there wouldn't be jobs. There'd probably be arguments but I doubt there'd be war. There'd just be a bunch of people helping each other out, sharing their particular skills with each other.
Take away the top 1% of greedy, power-hungry or scared humans, and the rest of us all just want to get along. I think it would work.
Now being one's true self within the bounds of capitalism and cultural conditioning is another matter.
Not many people are doing it.
Money is a necessity.
I'm trying not to plan. In fact I'm kind of planning not to plan. I'm trying to go with the flow. The planner in me wants me to be worrying about money, but the pure soul in me wants to go with the flow.
Consider this proposal a compromise:
Do you think it's possible that, sometime in the future, I could host groups of people for a meditative, spiritual, but fun week-long retreat somewhere? Perhaps on a beautiful, rural property I owned?
Are there people who would want to practice meditation 3-5 hours a day, and also talk about their experiences in the evening with a glass of wine on the veranda gazing at the mountains?
Would they want to do it, in part, because I was a part of it?
I'm just going to plant that seed right here and see if it grows.
October 9, 2017 Kirk Merlin

I write this as I sit atop a picnic table near the railroad tracks. The picnic table is barely standing, nails sticking out above its faded grey planks like trees after a big storm.

 

My head has a nice buzz going from the legal CO weed I smoked..next to the tracks..along the gravel road.. by the broken picnic table in the sun. Being in nature with the occasional train is a wonderful experience stoned. My body is tingling and my senses are heightened. The leaves and grass chime more audibly and birds are more present. The wind on my bare arms is rustling each of my arm hairs and I can feel it. Each of my arm hairs is blowing in the breeze like the tall grasses down by the tracks.
And then when a train goes by the rumbling and clanging is positively penetrating. I close my eyes and just feel the energy. Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them.
Close your eyes and empty your mind and just listen. Listen to your breath, to the ambient sounds around you.
Feel it.
Feel the energy.
October 8, 2017 Kirk Merlin
Beer sure is popular.
And marijuana is getting more popular and more socially acceptable, too.
That's a lot of people looking to relax or alter their conscious mind.
Like me.
Right now.
Why do I smoke weed? First, I do it because I don't really have many responsibilities. I do it because I spend a lot of time alone and it helps pass the time. I do it to relax. I do it to become more witty. I do it to feel more comfortable in social situations. I do it to feel the energy of the world tingle my skin. I do it to put a smile on my face and say hi to more people. I do it to make food taste more vibrant. I do it to make loud places feel energetic instead of annoying. I do it to help me feel at one with the universe. I do it because it helps me better understand myself. It opens up parts of me that my ego tries to keep closed. It helps me to love myself (not to mention everything & everyone else around me). And that helps me to go through my day exuding more love and compassion.
(pic is from my hike on Pacific Crest Trail in California, summer 2014)