Here’s what happened: Apes were cool. Monkeys were fine. Bonobos were happy (and doing a ton of fucking). And then cro-magnon man happened. And neanderthals. And homo erectus (ha-ha). Our ancestors bred like fucking was fun. And then it got crowded. Too many neighbors at the watering hole. Too many homos fetching fruit and killing critters. Some moved out of the tropics. My kinfolk moved north and somehow ended up in Norway. There’s no fetching fruit year ’round in Norway. A kinfolk gotta learn to can. But cans are difficult to make. I’m just a gatherer, after all. What’s that, you say? Your kin can make cans? And jars? Your great-grandmama is the Queen of cans and jars? Well get thefuckouttahere! Let’s say I trade you some of my berries for some of your jars. Now we can both eat in winter, support our families, so that more baby homos can fill the land. But wait a minute… What just happened here? Commerce, muthafucka! And with commerce comes competition:        My berries are bigger.                     My berries are fruitier. And so here we are. Those equatorial peoples ain’t so competitive in our competitive global economy, are they? Huh. Funny, that. Tough shit for them. Here’s some guns and bombs. Cuz we want your copper and silver and coffee and uranium and whateverthefuck it takes to keep our insecure machine running. It just needs a little more. And so here we are. Nation states and corporations fighting for power and money all because fucking is fun.

Is it sad to think that it’s taken me 48 years to really compose my first thoughtful food recipe?

Growing up in the ’70s, my family ate a lot of the first wave of convenience foods: Microwaveable! Just add water! Comes in a box! Julia Child was the only celebrity chef and vegetables came in a can.

Sure, we always had tomato & rhubarb plants in the backyard, but we never went to a farmer’s market. As a kid I wasn’t much into tomatoes, but my Mom made a super killer rhubarb cake most years.

I never really learned to cook and have always preferred my food fast and easy.

But as I mature and learn more about how the world actually works, I’m feeling compelled to clean up my act. Last year I cut way back on my meat intake and today I’m very content eating meat maybe once a week. I made this change because I don’t believe it is necessary for us to be killing so many animals to feed us in today’s environment with year ’round global food distribution (at least for those of us in the rich countries who have the luxury of such a choice). But I’m not being militant about it. If I’m at a party and there’s only pepperoni pizza, I’m not going to pull the pepperonis off. I still enjoy the taste of almost all beef, chicken, fish, guinea pig, sea urchin and whatever other animals people eat.

For me, I guess it’s about finding a balance. When my body has the occasional meat craving, I’ll go with it. But I’ve decided that my taste buds are not more important than the life of the animal that was torturously raised & killed to temporarily satisfy or please them.

And so this winter I set out to make myself a damn good vegan chili. Starting with a recipe online, I just kept tweaking it over five batches until I got super excited with the flavor and spiciness.

As Julia Child would say, bon appetit!

Saute in coconut oil to soften:

1 small-medium onion

3 bell peppers (orange, yellow, green)

4-5 habanero peppers

 

Stir into a crockpot with:

1 large can crushed tomatoes (28oz)

1 small can tomato paste

1 medium can spiced tomatoes

5 cans of beans (pinto, kidney, black) that have been rinsed first

some lentils (optional)

2 packages of tempeh, crumbled

1 cup water

Add spices: chili powder, cinnamon, cumin, turmeric

 

Slow cook in crockpot on low temp for 8 hours.

Serves 8.